@hogrider05: Siri, who's in my trunk?
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@rob5373: I choked on a carrot earlier and all I could think of is that a donut wouldn't have done that to me.
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Him: Ma'am, for the last time, we don't have a limit on how much liquor you can buy.
@ChaseMit: I think police forgot which organized group of white dudes with shaved heads they are.