@illuminatedwndr: Siri's on her period. she needs an iPad
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@sageboggs: "OH MY SWEET GOD BE CAREFUL. OH- OH MY DEAr LORD GOD. HOW? HOW??" -me watching gymnastics
@welone1: During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
@TodaysResume: Include a snapshot of Doge the dog with your #resume. When asked about it during the interview, reply "What do you meme?"