@ConcernedSirGuy: Sirs & Ma'ams, It is a well-known fact that when Jesus takes the wheel, He doesn't just stop with the wheel. He takes the stereo too.
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@Reverend_Scott: I'm tired of the bad jokes, dad. Doubt you can hear me anyway. I'm pullin' the plug. "...hi pullin' the plug, I'm da-" *pulls the plug*
@davedittell: *friend bites off beer bottle cap at party* HONEY! HONEY!! NOW!! NOW!!! *wife jumps out car with a hundred jars from the fridge*
@thepatrickwalsh: My dad's visiting soon, which means I need to practice apologizing to waiters with my eyes.