@UncleDynamite: sistine chapel
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@TheresNoGodzila: *gets on 1 knee* Me: I know we haven't known each other for a long time, but will you marry me? Her: Please get off my knee
@Michael1979: Days after my plane crashed, I find a phone. Thankfully, it has enough battery for me to go online & argue with strangers. I remain stranded
@DumbConfessions: Psychologist: Go to your happy place. Me: *grabs car keys* Psychologist: Where are you going? Me: The liquor store.
@shkeeber: I've been standing in IKEA with a lamp shade on my head for 3 days, hiding from the cops.