@GianDoh: Sit in Starbucks and scream into your phone, "What we need is fresh screenwriting talent! An unknown! Where on earth can we find it?"
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@tweetsauce: This is ridiculous: "www" contains THREE TIMES more syllables than the phrase it is 'short' for, "world wide web."
@dru0887: If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it's because they've just killed someone right?
@IamEnidColeslaw: okay Mary that guy just smiled at you play it cool oh my god he's coming over here play it cool play it cool HI THERE I'M WEARING TWO BRAS
@amydillon: [concert] SINGER: How's everyone feeling tonight??? ME: Whooo, kind of stressed, I'm in standoff with my HOA regarding lawn ornamentation!!!