@NoFlipFlops: Sit next to stranger on park bench, hand over envelope with random person's picture, whisper "It has to look like an accident", walk away.
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@jessokfine: [Me at job interview] And, how seriously does your company take allegations of witchcraft?
@InternetHippo: Look, if you didn’t want to go to prison you should’ve started a war or destroyed the economy. But you downloaded a movie, you felon
@GlennyRodge: Just tried a kids meal in McDonald's. Unfortunately, her dad chased me away before I got any of her chips.