@MeganBaca1: Sitting behind a couple in this theater that's making out. I'm gonna lean forward and whisper "This is nice" in a minute.
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@Brampersandon_: *tightens straps on electric chair* Any last words? -I think male oysters should be called boysters Omg will someone throw the damn switch
@ka_unplugged: There are two types of people on Twitter. Those who can take a joke, and those who will copy it and claim it as their own
@MythicPicnic: Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans.
@WheelTod: [Couples' Counselling] Her: If he doesn't stop talking in corporate cliches I'm leaving him Me (in tears): Please don't downsize our unit!