@JasonLastname: Sitting here at Starbucks, everyone looking at their phones and only one person's noticed mine's a calculator.
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@RocketRankoon: This ebola scare is getting out of hand I just threw ebola at someone who said good morning to me before I had my coffee
@ozzyunc: Oil is made from dinosaurs. Plastic is made from oil. Plastic dinosaurs are made from real dinosaurs.
@runawaycupcake: Pretty sure Dora goes on crazy adventures with a monkey because her mom is on Twitter.
@JohnLyonTweets: Apparently a guy named George Martin leaked all the main plot points of the next season of Game of Thrones in some books he published. Jerk.