@JasonLastname: Sitting here at Starbucks, everyone looking at their phones and only one person's noticed mine's a calculator.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Merman_Melville: At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die
@Donna_McCoy: I'm looking at the serving size of Laughing Cow cheese and I see why the cow is laughing.
@ieatanddrink: Dating tip: Girls love mysterious guys. For example, tell her "Im a lawyer.Or AM I?" then hum the Twilight Zone theme and turn into an eagle
@TheMichaelRock: I bet all this shit started because someone told Trump he couldn't be president and Trump said "hold my beer, watch this"