@kaz474: Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Waking up in 2016: [immediately makes coffee] Waking up in 2017: [immediately checks to see if WW3 has started]
@iamburtjarvis: lawyer: I haven't won a case since last year's hearing loss. me: what was the hearing for? lawyer: WHAT? me: the hearing. lawyer: WHAT?
@kelkulus: The Garden of Eden must have been one exciting place if the most tempting things were apples.