@hmcpherson17: Sitting outside the dentist office eating Oreos, b/c I think everyone should earn their pay.
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@wesjohnson8: "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."
@gerryhallcomedy: My french toast just surrendered to my german sausage. Breakfast is weird at my house.
@Brampersandon_: Hey check out this new candle I got. -Sweet. What flavor is it? I think you mean 'what scent is it?' *with a mouthful of candle wax* -What?