@hmcpherson17: Sitting outside the dentist office eating Oreos, b/c I think everyone should earn their pay.
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@RoosterMustache: Me: u can walk around without shoes Teacher: right Me: but after a while it hurts your feet Teacher: ok Me: so time wounds all the heels
@GrantTanaka: Wife: It's like every man on earth has to share one brain Me: [can't think of a good comeback because it's not my turn to use the brain]
@SICKOFWOLVES: SURE IF YOU LIVE IN THE WOODS THERE IS A NON-ZERO CHANCE YOU WILL BE TORN APART BY SOMETHING BIGGER THAN YOU BUT I CAN GUARANTEE YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT PODCASTS AGAIN
@LifeUnPinterest: I couldn’t be a magician. I’d never be able to make something just vanish into thin air. ALSO ME: I’m gonna put this in a safe place...