@megankcomedy: I experimented a ton in college. I tried naps in the evening, naps in the morning, sometimes even 3 naps in a row.
@mdob11: *someone hands me a baby*
Oh... no thank you
*places baby on the ground*
@miliondollameat: wife: go see if the baby sleeping
*walks into baby's room*
baby: corporations exploit our
insecurities for profit
me: no babe she woke af
@tsm560: [in bed]
Her: Easy, cowboy. I'm not having unprotected sex.
Me: No worries!
Her: Where are you going?
Me: To lock the front door.
Her: ...
@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to the top 5 phones, mega, micro, smart, speaker and get off the damn.
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