@megankcomedy: I experimented a ton in college. I tried naps in the evening, naps in the morning, sometimes even 3 naps in a row.

@mdob11: *someone hands me a baby* Oh... no thank you *places baby on the ground*

@miliondollameat: wife: go see if the baby sleeping *walks into baby's room* baby: corporations exploit our insecurities for profit me: no babe she woke af

@tsm560: [in bed] Her: Easy, cowboy. I'm not having unprotected sex. Me: No worries! Her: Where are you going? Me: To lock the front door. Her: ...

@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to the top 5 phones, mega, micro, smart, speaker and get off the damn.