@mattZillaaaa: [on a 1st date] Me: I'm just looking to take things slow Her: *in a wedding dress* me too

@joerogan: This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.

@Sal_Stevens: Why was a 9 year old allowed on a shooting range. In my school yoyo's were banned after Jenny got a black eye doing an 'Around the World'

@rickygervais: I'm hoping the nuclear strike button & the trap-door for hecklers button on Trump's desk are completely different colours.

@AbbeYaar: You haven't seen a woman overreact until you've told a woman she's overreacting.