@EyeSeeYou619: Skrillex sounds like that time I threw a bag of beer bottles into an empty dumpster & a homeless dude yelled jibberish at me for waking him.
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@DanMentos: My Grandpa: killed 17 Nazis and singlehandedly saved his entire battalion in WWII Me: Sits around all day making up stories about my Grandpa
@XplodingUnicorn: When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?" When I do her hair: "How about a hat?"
@DanMentos: me: who’s ur favorite actor date: meryl- me: before you answer, did u know air bud and beethoven were played by the same dog date: holy shit
@gerryhallcomedy: "I really wish I could squeeze that piano over and over" - guy who invented the accordion