@MiddleageM: Skyped my dad today and had a great conversation with his forehead and nose hairs...
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@MissNaughty1801: 7y: mummy, how long have you been married to daddy? Me: 7 years 7y: how long have you got left?
@GloriaFallon123: A woman told me at dinner she liked me because I'm "not afraid to eat bread"--so I'm done with socializing for at least a year thanks
@HomeProbably: "Can I borrow your charger?" Me: Sure. *offers keys to my pristine 1969 Dodge Charger Daytona* "I meant for my iPhone." Me: Oh, hell no.
@thebeckyard: I see you are eating seafood at a midwest Chinese buffet. I, too, like to live dangerously.