@EJGomez: [slams on the brakes]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN LINDSAY LOHAN PLAYED BOTH TWINS IN THE PARENT TRAP
@AndrewNadeau0: COP: Do you know why I pulled you over?
ME: Is…isn't that your job?
@Thrill_Tweeter: [The mid 20s catch up]
"What are you drinking, who you seeing?"
[The midlife catchup]
"Who's your therapist, what are you taking for it?"
@calluptome: Everyone complains about the weather but noone's sacrificing a virgin to change it either.
@SchlubbyHubby: Lately I'm very optimistic about the future of my marriage...
I caught my husband on Tinder, so hopefully he'll meet somebody... soon...
@LogicLaughs: 15 Is The Age Where You Either Look Like 11 Or 25.