@EJGomez: [slams on the brakes]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN LINDSAY LOHAN PLAYED BOTH TWINS IN THE PARENT TRAP
@dshack8: Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.
@moose_chocolate: I'm a slow runner unless I think I left my phone unlocked in the next room, in which case I'm Usain Bolt.
@Phoebetate: I was just accosted by a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain't got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
@TylerComeOn: Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10.
It's simple meth.