@EJGomez: [slams on the brakes]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN LINDSAY LOHAN PLAYED BOTH TWINS IN THE PARENT TRAP
@SuperRandomish: When someone asks how I feel, I always answer "Squishy and like I've done something wrong"
@Marilyn_Brando: *grandpa walks in with a bearded man in a plaid shirt & skinny jeans*
"uhh grandpa who's that?"
"my hip replacement"
@PlopWaffle: Lois : Clark, are those binoculars?
Clark Kent : Yes, I can't find my glasses.
Lois : Put them down for a second.
Clark : No
@Ndeshi_M: Him: I'd go to the end of the world for you!
Me: Well... what are you waiting for then?
@MikeMcNeil_: Well, well, well. If it isn't that thing I told my wife I already did.