@EJGomez: [slams on the brakes]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN LINDSAY LOHAN PLAYED BOTH TWINS IN THE PARENT TRAP
@LizHackett: Some guy tried to cut me off in traffic and I screamed, "I'm wearing a sports bra to a business meeting, I am afraid of nothing!"
@70Ceeks: SOMEBODY: she had a boyfriend who looked like that girlfriend that you had in february of last year
ME: what the hell are you talking about
@Robert_Beau: So I harvested my tomato today, it's bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
@tealbluejay: Putting clothes on an animal is like putting on an overcoat over your overcoat.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Prisoner: You inked
Me: *thinking about my "I hate prisoners" back tattoo* No why