@FierceMess: Sleep deprivation- because sometimes you cant afford drugs or alcohol but still want to feel delusional and irrational.
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@Brampersandon_: ME: I fell off a 50 ft tall ladder once GIRL: holy cow how did you survive ME: I fell off the bottom rung
@GrumpyBahr: North Carolina just legalized same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
@QwertyJones3: Her: It's disgusting how many dirty habits you have. Me: THE NUNS PAY ME GOOD MONEY TO DO THIER LAUNDRY OK???
@DanMentos: “how was self-deprecating rap battle?” I don’t want to talk about it “come on what happened?” they saw my porsche "oh ouch"