@Ghetto_Trophy: Sleeping Beauty has a pretty good situation going on until Prince Charming came and screwed it up.
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@ShesARealGenius: [FIRST DATE] Me, opening mouth seductively: "And this is where I burned my tongue on pizza, and this is where I burned my tongue on fries, a
@iheartgunts: I'm actually kind of handsome when you're drunk and the light is low and there's no other dudes around and you have low standards.
@Bob_Lesh: For a cheap high after age 30, just squat down for a few minutes, then stand up really quickly.