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@causticbob: sleeping beauty
@DamienFahey: If you don't have your Florida ID with you on voting day, you can always show them a photo of yourself wearing a tank top to a funeral.
@Quartzjixler: "Why do you hate me?"
- me any time someone tells me I have to sleep on a futon
@ExcuseMyTweets: It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm quite busy.
@thentherewasmo: Nicki Minaj is my favorite teletubby
@HonestToddler: They’re saying I put a stuffed animal in the toilet. Untrue. I sent it on a mission to retrieve my toy cars.