@LMLMadness: Sleeping Beauty is my favorite story about how any sweet princess will activate her fire breathing dragon if you wake her up from a nap.
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@Freudianscript: I'll never be accused of talking behind someone's back, because that would involve talking to people.
@jergarl: Wife: Are you drunk? Me: I know this is a trick question so I'm going with no. Why? W: Because you're naked on the neighbors porch. M:...
@jwoodham: Not all white people die in hot air balloon accidents, but only white people die in hot air balloon accidents.
@BrettDruck: I may seem confident on the outside but deep down on the inside I remember every time I've accidentally leaned on a light switch.