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@duplicitron: *sleeps with the fishes but does not use condom*
@robfee: Everyone in horror movies:
It was probably just the wind
*a ghost flies across room*
Just the wind
*dog gets cut in half*
@gavinpivott: My new year's resolution is to be more grammary and stop making up words.
@djdarrellripley: Him: You're a DJ? I'm not one for dancing. I've got this leg, you see? I've had it since the war.
Me: How long have you had the other one?
@EmmyCic: I learned snapchat finally
@nealbrennan: I hope the bomber suspect is made of green screen so we can all project our most feared skin color onto him.