@duplicitron: *sleeps with the fishes but does not use condom*
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@KalvinMacleod: [me, in a sting operation] Can I buy your best stuff? DRUG DEALER: what do u mean by stuff? *talking into my shirt* what do I mean by stuff?
@donni: MAYOR: I now present you a key to the city ME: So long, suckers! *hops in city and drives away* MAYOR: Come back! I need that for work!
@OBiiieeee: my last girlfriend broke up wth me after she went through my phone and i refused to tell her why i searched for goth grandpas
@fro_vo: "Does your dad play any sports?" "No, my dad hates sports" *dad walks in* "Hey there, Sport"