@duplicitron: *sleeps with the fishes but does not use condom*
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@Ygrene: [being murdered by neighbor] *I pretend not to see him so I don’t have to make small talk*
@rachel2manypaws: The toughest part of any long distance relationship is the 6 hour drive to slash their tires.
@longwall26: Cat Negotiator: Ok, so we'll shit in a box in your house and you will clean it up Humans: And you will be a loyal friend Cat: hahahaha sure
@WilliamRodgers: "And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon....Little boy blue and the man on the moon" ...Drugs in the 70's must've been AWESOME!