@KalvinMacleod: Slippers made out of Lego so that when you step on Lego you just get taller.
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@funnyordie: BRAZIL: Can you describe your attacker? RYAN LOCHTE: You wouldn't know him. He goes to another Olympics. #LochteGate
@1par8head: Someone is selling a rot iron table on Craigslist ..wonder If they would trade for a dictionary
@DirtyySouthMess: I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet.
@ObscureGent: All those years of school never taught me the most important life lesson. Green gummy bears are strawberry flavored.