@markedly: [slipping DJ $20] my good sir would you turn it down a skooch
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@notalogin: Sex is like lasagna - there's absolutely no reason for it to involve spinach in any form.
@GrrrRach: Operator: 999, emergency services. Which service do you require? Me: Oh! Don't mind me, I was just cleaning cake off the touch screen.
@MommaUnfiltered: I’m so sick of answering questions about the age difference between my kids, so I’ve started telling people the oldest one came with the house.
@internetluke: [i fall down the stairs & break my back] Me: Siri, call me 911 Siri: okay.. I will call you 911 from now on Me: haha nice Siri: thanks 911