@NickBossRoss: *slips into milk bath* *starts drinking*
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@TuffyNyC: Kids, make sure you learn how to use a protractor in case one day you're a teacher & have to show kids how to use a protractor.
@causticbob: A secretary walks into her boss's office and says, "Can I use your Dictaphone?" He says, "No, dial with your finger like everyone else."
@PattiOShankable: My kids saw a painting of Jesus & both thought it was Bob Marley. Clearly, I'm going to hell. My kids don't know what Bob Marley looks like
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: What did you like most about your last job? ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it.