@abbycohenwl: Slot twist: That USB drive goes in the other way. Turn it over
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@whereami18: My kids decided to move a piece of furniture to a random spot, I wonder how much it will cost to fix whatever they're covering up
@Ygrene: [being murdered] Me: hey stop for a sec Murderer: what Me: just want to say you're really (finger quotes)…killing it [murdering intensifies]
@0point5twins: If you see a girl crying, a nice thing to do is show your compassionate side and ask if it's because of her haircut.