@BritXNic: *Slowly breaks up with you, word by word, during a game of Scrabble.
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@offsidebastard: The girl across from me is on the phone to her boyfriend. I regret nodding when she told him she looked terrible.
@theshamingofjay: Forgot my Fitbit because it was charging and now it's like I walked for no reason.
@jameslsutter: Imagine if Frodo was all "Sauron's bad, but Gandalf's done some morally gray stuff, too, so I'll stay home." Don't get eaten by orcs. Vote.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Two fingers here. Son: OK. M: One in the other hole. S: Got it. M: Relax your wrist. Wife: WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING HIM? M: Bowling. Chill.