@BritXNic: *Slowly breaks up with you, word by word, during a game of Scrabble.
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@goodhairperson: *watches an extremely cute guy flirt with an equally cute girl at the gym from the floor above like an old witch on a mountain*
@warbird622: Teenage son gets academic honors every year in school, yet he can't cut a straight line with a lawnmower. I believe I am being played......
@ShutUpThatsWho: [ad for umbrellas] [cut to me trying to swat away raindrops, just getting totally wet] "There must be a better way!" Voiceover: UMBRELLAS