@MarylandMudflap: Slowly crawl towards your sleeping dog, put your face directly next to its face, and whisper "I know it's been you shitting in my yard."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@EndhooS: "Come on now, I'm sure that Megatron isn't such a bad guy when you get to know him..." - Optimist Prime.
@therealeatwood: ME: Leave me alone! You’re not my real dad! CRAWDAD: [patiently] I am doing my best to raise you on my own. Now eat your plankton.
@STEELERS1972: When my laptop asks "Are you sure?", it's because it still remembers all of the other bad decisions I have made.
@Sophie2078: *receiving flowers I don’t know why people act so surprised when I fold them and put them in my purse.