@theshantilly: *slowly unwraps a candy bar as neighbor talks about her new diet
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@SardonicTart: [Job Interview] How would you describe your time management skills? Me: Can we talk about this later? I'm late for an appointment.
@Underchilde: If hearing “I love you” was enough, we’d all buy parrots and live happily ever after.
@Iwriteforcats: Jake and the Cat Man: One man solves crime, the other spends the entire show being startled by thunder.
@Meh_Tweetz: bought 30 treadmills & placed them around the perimeter of house, when zombies attack my house they will just keep walking for days