@figgled: Small children who dress as Batman must be forced to fight crime. To teach them a lesson, about lying
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@Brianhopecomedy: I'm teaching my 2 year old about currency so I can figure out what coin she just swallowed.
@ashmensch: *guy getting eaten by a shark* Guy: I just wanted to say I'm Vegan. Shark, spitting him out: Wtf man. I had you in my mouth & everything.
@david8hughes: Me: what make of dog is that? Her: breed Me [hands on knees]: I am, I'm just out of breath cos I ran over to ask what make of dog that is
@hyperblastchic: Me: Gouda would pair nicely with this merlot! Priest: This is communion... M: Oh. Gouda would taste well with the blood of Chr- P: Leave.