@figgled: Small children who dress as Batman must be forced to fight crime. To teach them a lesson, about lying
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@MartaEffing: Her: I love your lip gloss. What brand is it? Me: *looks puzzled*licks lips* It's donut glaze.
@joe_binkley: "Opening a llama acting school called 'Save the Drama for your Llama." "No, I mean where do you see yourself in 5 years with this job?"
@david8hughes: [at work] "Mornin, Margaret." "Mornin. You're late today." [looks at watch] "Not as late as your dead husband though, am I?"
@dlicj: flight attendant: as u can see the captain has turned on the no murdering sign [guy next to me is still murdering someone] me: um excuse me