@forrrestfire: Smart cars are a good idea until you die in a 5 mph parking lot collision
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@brennadine: Therapist: So what happened in your last relationship? I lost him to addiction. Therapist: I'm so sorry. Drugs? Yes please.
@Kyle_Lippert: "What do we call this war?" "The World War?" "No. There's already been 1 of those" "Uh this is a world war, too" *the streetlights explode*
@jessokfine: How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult? It's like, oh you gave birth to me? Please enjoy this fancy candle.
@Doh573: Cartoons lied to me as a child. I was lead to believe quicksand was going to be a much larger problem in life.