@IdiotOlympics: Smh 😂😂😂
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@MartaEffing: We both want it. My lips part. His do, too. The tension pulsates. "I'll take the one w/ sprinkles!" And that's how I got the last one.
@gingerfaced: [arrives in heaven] how'd you die? me: i was sitting in a beanbag chair and my house caught on fire
@Phook75: Seriously considering robbing the ski mask store down the street but I'm having the hardest time deciding what to wear
@ThRealBallsDeep: <at first day of t-ball practice> Me:What's the first rule here, boys? Kid:Don't poop your pants? M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.