@IdiotOlympics: Smh 😂😂😂
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@shesananteater: My neighbor started mowing his yard at 6am so I opened all my windows and vacuumed because I don't understand how revenge works.
@internetluke: [talking to bouncer] Me:let me in Bouncer: not after last time Me:would a Washington convince you? Bouncer: no George Washington: c'mon man
@JohnHilsen: When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this.
@pharmasean: “Say ur a bad girl” I’m a bad girl “oooh yeah, and tell me what bad girls do…” ooh i’m gonna sign up for 3 months of yoga and only go twice