@donni: Smile for the camera. Laugh for the pencil sharpener. Dance for the refrigerator
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@PaperWash: [1st date] date: ...you said you had abs me: [squints] everyone has abdominal muscles, Susan
@hazelmotes1: When I die I want my remains poured out of an airplane over the Grand Canyon. But don't cremate me. Just dump my body on some tourists.
@chemical_scum: One man has two TCs, an ex with a troll account & a girlfriend who knows his passcode. How long does this man have to live? Show your work.
@northcoastkevin: I accidentally walked into the women's room at the gym today, then I bought a tampon from the machine so it wouldn't be awkward.