@donni: Smile for the camera. Laugh for the pencil sharpener. Dance for the refrigerator
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@ComedyAndTruth: Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
@TommyKarate: Local video store is offering a chance to win free iPads, so naturally, I reported them as spam.
@UnderTheJewFro: I was starving earlier so I opened up a beanbag chair. There were no beans, only styrofoam. Im furious, Im hungry and I have nowhere to sit.
@realdealbiehl: Turns out 6 foot penguins don't exist, in related news, I might have just ran over a nun.