@DamonHunzeker: Smoke alarms are stupid -- like I'd ever forget to smoke.
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@Cheeseboy22: We can't afford to take our kids to a corn maze this year so we're going to take them to an IKEA instead.
@kelkulus: If I were Obama, I'd totally lead with "My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless." #SOTU
@singwithTaffy: Please, by all means, call my landline. I'll reply with a postcard attached to a helium balloon