@Jeffwni: Snail 1: Are you male or female?
Snail 2: Yes
Snail 1: Me too!
[they kiss passionately]
@SortaBad: Cop: Tell us what you know!
Me: Penguins are monogamous creatures with noted cases of bisexuality
Cop: *typing up his science report*
@KindOfASmartass: If I don't make some serious changes to my life, they'll never let me into the gates of heaven.
So who can teach me how to pick a lock?
@checkyourfox: I'm sorry I got you birth control for Christmas and said it was my gift to the world.
@viktorvaughan: My plan is simple. Drink Vodka until I start speaking Russian.
@BeCoco77: I'll apologize for burning your house down if you apologize for telling me I "overreact."