@Jeffwni: Snail 1: Are you male or female?
Snail 2: Yes
Snail 1: Me too!
[they kiss passionately]
@Vodkantots: I'm incredibly flattered that my therapist thinks I should be in anger management.
I've never even held an entry-level position.
@13spencer: I'd like to think that my exes see me as "the one who got away," but it's probably more like "the one who got away from the police."
@junejuly12: *eats Big Mac meal*
*has two ice cream cones for dessert*
*drives by gym*
*wonders why new diet and fitness plan isn't working*
@TheToddWilliams: [spelling bee]
"Your word is stupid"
ME: Well give me a different one then
"No, that's your word…stupid"
ME: Maybe you're the stupid one
@PaperWash: [date gets back from the bathroom]
those batman toys in the tub are so cute! How old are your kids?