@Jeffwni: Snail 1: Are you male or female?
Snail 2: Yes
Snail 1: Me too!
[they kiss passionately]
@LosLos__: [Sees cute barista]
I'll have a quickie.
Barista: Sir, it's called an espresso.
@DaddyJew: "STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO", I yell to my 5 year old.
@WilliamRodgers: What my Doctor said...
"Sugar kills more people than Cocaine"
What I heard...
"The next time you're craving Cake...Do some blow instead"
@krisv_723: Birds do it & no one bats an eye. One time I shit on a windshield & suddenly it's arrests & psych evaluations.
@ImKevinito: Wifey is pregnant again. She wants a girl but I want a black guy so I have someone to play basketball with.