@Jeffwni: Snail 1: Are you male or female?
Snail 2: Yes
Snail 1: Me too!
[they kiss passionately]
@SamGrittner: Every horse you've ever seen has two people inside them. Horses aren't real. Commitment is.
@WheelTod: I don't even care if it's a scam. Just the thought that a Nigerian prince took the time to write me a personal note has really made my day.
@WilliamAder: "America's Most Wanted" to return to the airwaves with an NFL edition.
@EliTerry: I USED VOLUME MAXIMIZING SHAMPOO THIS MORNING SO YES I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM IN YOUR FACE OFFICER
@AndrewNadeau0: HER: *Points to my dish* I'll have what he's having
ME:*Blocks plate w/ my arms* This is mine
H: No, I mea-
M:*To waiter* Tell her it's mine