@Jeffwni: Snail 1: Are you male or female?
Snail 2: Yes
Snail 1: Me too!
[they kiss passionately]
@BallsMcBallski: It's been five minutes since Adobe asked me to install an update. I hope they didn't go out of business or something.
@maughammom: Me: "Want a banana?"
3yo: "Yes, but don't cut it up. And don't peel it. And don't make it be a banana. Make it be a waffle."
@Jake_Vig: THEM: What's it called when you think about them all the time?
T: What if it's about murdering them all the time?
M: Also love.
@TySmithdrums: I bought a spray bottle to break my girlfriend of looking at her phone when I'm speaking. I hide it after use so she doesn't know who did it
@thenatewolf: Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else