@KyleMcDowell86: [snake charmer struggling to get snake to stand up] I swear this never happens
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@zachreinert03: finally sold everything that reminded me of my ex. kinda nice, I got $20 for her clothes, $50 for her tv, and $100 for our kid
@LordofScribble: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Slap a man with the same fish and the video will go viral in under 48 hours. #Truth
@TheRobCee: Got kicked off the cruise ship after three day of constantly saying "poop deck" & snickering.
@DanMentos: [at funeral] "it was so sudden" really? "yeah right in the middle of rap battle" I thought you said he died of dysentery TERRY: That's right