@KyleMcDowell86: [snake charmer struggling to get snake to stand up] I swear this never happens
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@RoosterMustache: I hate when my phone corrects "hood morning" to good morning. Maybe I meant hood morning. Maybe some thug shit has happened today.
@Scott_A_Gilmore: What manner of evil contract with the devil must I enter into so I can get eye drops INTO my eyes?
@WilliamRodgers: Johnny Depp's wife of just over a year Filed for Divorce today... With NO prenup...She is gonna get soooooo many bracelets.
@SuperApple8: If Ryan Gosling doesn't ask me to be his valentine, I'm moving on. This ship has sailed. This ball has sunk. This fart has flatulated.