@noog: Snakes are terrifying because they can't trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.
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@GrantTanaka: A good way to break up with a girl is to leave her a trail of rose petals starting from her front door to North Korea.
@badbanana: For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there'd be one less blogger.
@garrettbarry70: So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don't taste any different.
@LegoGodzilla: [first date] GIRL: When you said "fitness freak" in your profile, this isn't what I expected HALF-MAN/HALF-TREADMILL: It was an old photo