@noog: Snakes are terrifying because they can't trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.
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@Pastor_Bert: Me: are you serious? GF: yes I can't take it anymore, you're too unpredictable Me: [wearing a different shirt] what are you talking about?
@jaslakhmna: You may have a drinking problem - when your mother asks you to toast the bread.....and you raise your glass and say "here's to the bread"!
@KeetPotato: "chill before serving" is the best advice I can think of if you're an angry waitress