@fro_vo: Snap: i'm snap
Crackle: i'm crackle
Dad: hi snap and crackle i'm pop
@FuckabillyRex: That feeling when you kinda wanna end it all but you're already in bed and your hara kiri sword is all the way across the room.
@Luiki89: Friends are like bananas.
If you peel their skin and eat them, they will die.
@TaintUrBalls: I pick up hitchhikers cause then when I'm pulled over the weed is his.
@therealeatwood: ME: [in g-string and hardhat] You sure this is what Boss meant by strip-mining?
[A bat swoops down and tucks a crumpled bill into my thong]
@TurboJellyBean: Her:"my blinkers don't work I think I'm out of blinker fluid"
Me:"your car doesn't have blinker fluid."
Her:"I JUST SAID THAT PAY ATTENTION"