@fro_vo: Snap: i'm snap
Crackle: i'm crackle
Dad: hi snap and crackle i'm pop
ME: This is literally my most vulnerable, unexpecting, and relaxed state
SHAMPOO BOTTLE: Seems like a good time to hit the ground
@davidkenny100: About to hit the ball
Boss: you said you'd played before?
Me: uh yes
Boss: that's a putter
Me: Is that wrong?
Boss: wrong for squash yes
@MilkshakeAnyone: Addicted to pills? Don't worry. They have a pill for that.
@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you. You're on a Segway. The werewolf is too. Both batteries are dying, and the chase gets slower and slower.
@bornmiserable: [me, trying to join a conversation about Game of Thrones] oh man, there are just so many thrones, I don't have a favorite really