@WeekendTwitr: Get noticed by more companies on LinkedIn by adding af to the end of all of your job titles.

@damagedprincess: I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.

@WheelTod: If I was on death row I'd request my own heart as my last meal. But they wouldn't be able to extract it til they killed me: Catch 22. I walk

@RatchetAfrican: Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name. Coincidence? I think not...

@SlappNuttz: My children have acquired a keen sense for knowing exactly when I'm about to forget them at a store.