@foxxy311: Ladies, don't waste your time picking up guys at Chuck E Cheese. Apparently they have a "family" & a "wife" & I'm "ruining their dinner."

@darinlovesbacon: I'm not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don't give them lunch or breakfast

@FloodyHippie: A zombie jumped out at me, in a haunted house, but he didn't scare me. He did, however, catch my elbow in his face.

@joeldanger: I'm not saying she has daddy issues but she only fills out credit cards for the instant approval.

@iwearaonesie: me: What? A lot of people launch shopping carts across parking lots wife: Yeah but they take the kid out first! son *screaming*