@thenatewolf: Sneaky? Dude, I got two handfuls of soup into a movie theater once.
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@KKAlThani: *Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn't reply to my last 43 texts & then you tweeted about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You need to eat vegetables instead of candy if you want to be tall. 4-year-old: I’ll just be small and happy.
@missekay: *watches soccer* *watches soccer* *watches soccer* *watches soccer* *has to pee* *watches soccer* *gets up to pee* *misses goal* :/
@mattgallo123: Plastic silverware: because the only thing I hate more than poisoning the environment is washing dishes.