@KentWGraham: My son got me some very expensive cologne for Father’s Day. I know it was very expensive because he used my credit card.

@rotten_mama: Parenting 101 8: I'm worried dolphins will be become endangered. Me: Every time you don't clean your room a dolphin dies.

@aaronup: Hiphop cereal idea: Ludacrisp

@unravelingfire: I'm like Harvard. Hard to get into, but once you're in, everyone is super impressed.

@SortaBad: "I'd like to make a large cash deposit" teller: ok, how much do you have? "Wow can't a guy just share his dreams without being pressured?"