@msbtx: "Snitches get stitches," I whisper to my 3 year old as he watches me brush Oreo crumbs from the bed sheets.
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@OBiiieeee: BOSS: why are you so late? ME: i definitely wasnt up until 4am watching Hey Arnold ha-ha BOSS: well i was and i got here on time
@huntigula: [Donald Trump's election speech] "America, I have only 1 thing to say" *pulls off wig & mask revealing Ashton Kutcher* "YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D"
@Shame_Is: doctor: u are overweight me: hah yeah doc: ok drop your pants me: ur giving mixed messages doc! doc: me: doc: me: so do u like the Indians