@msbtx: "Snitches get stitches," I whisper to my 3 year old as he watches me brush Oreo crumbs from the bed sheets.
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@ninjadinosaur1: I think I want to be a ballerina. Or a fire dancer. Or I want to set a ballerina on fire. I don't know. I'm still working it out.
@BuckyIsotope: I've only been eating 6 spiders instead of 8 every year so I'll have plenty for retirement.
@Underchilde: I opened Twitter at a red light once, and when I looked up, a week had passed and I was sitting in police impound.