@CroweJam: Snooki, but without the orange tan and poofy hair. And she's in charge of North Korea.
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@DamienFahey: I just dropped my phone in the toilet and for a second I stood over it and thought, "That's where it belongs."
@sofarrsogud: 4 AM BLADDER: Get up. You need to go STOMACH: And you're hungry BRAIN: Imagine if Hammer Time was a real time zone. We'd have to move there
@pattioshankable: I've discovered the best way to punish 17, is to put on the same outfit as her, then follow her around all day yelling out "TWINSIES!"