@CroweJam: Snooki, but without the orange tan and poofy hair. And she's in charge of North Korea.
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@Darlainky: If these seasonal allergies don't kill me, that person I just sneezed all over probably will.
@AristotlesNZ: Those of you wondering what its like to be married: Just found out this morning I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having...
@SeptapusDenny: CNN writer: how's this - my phone is missing. CNN exec: meh Writer: It was on AIRPLANE mode! *CNN exec absolutely loses it*
@FaisalAdam_: Asked a girl what I had to do to get her, she said, "GET LOST!" So I stared... Realising she wasn't saying more, I asked, "which season?"