@CroweJam: Snooki, but without the orange tan and poofy hair. And she's in charge of North Korea.
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@my_minivan_life: Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent. I would have to say it’s the kids.
@TheToddWilliams: "Nothing is certain, except death and taxis." Don't you mean "ta-- *gets run over by a cab*
@cervixsmash: If your iPhone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract asians who will fix your electronics for you