@Breadery: Snow White succumbs to avian influenza as a message against the laziness of magically hiring animals to complete household chores.
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@elle91: Got fired from the duty free store for never showing up which is very misleading and also bullshit.
@MissBamantha: A Haiku For My Salad: I do not like you You will never be grilled cheese You make my mouth sad
@RidiculousSheri: [on a date] *don't let him know you're a bird* Him: I'll drive us. I just had my car cleaned and detailed. Me: *poops all over windshield*
@WilliamAder: So, on July 4th, one of the hottest days of the year, we're all going to sit outside of our air-conditioned homes and cook over a fire?