@Breadery: Snow White succumbs to avian influenza as a message against the laziness of magically hiring animals to complete household chores.
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@zombieparrot: Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed.
@GianDoh: How can I relax when every aspect of my physical and mental state is governed by something called The Nervous System?
@joejwest: [restaurant] WAITER: [brings bill] ME: I got this DATE: Thanks ME: [gets out piggy bank] [hits it w/ hammer] [it is filled w/ bees] ME: RUN