@lildandeli0n: [Gets Twitter error: "Somehow, somewhere, something went wrong"] I know Twitter, I know. That's why I'm here.

@EndhooS: [Watching boxing] Sure bro, I watch boxing all the ti- HEY DID YOU SEE WHAT HE JUST DID?! HE JUST PUNCHED THAT GUY! SOMEONE CALL THE COPS!

@Wine_Honey1: Questioning me about stupid things like why there’s a wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house.

@DCpierson: MOST RESTAURANTS: Waiter: "Have you dined with us before?" You: "No." Waiter: "Oh! Well, (*proceeds to describe a normal restaurant*)"

@theekillerqueen: I'm gonna start using my cat's ages like y'all do your kids. 5 just projectile vomited and 1 is trying to eat it off the floor.