@AmberTozer: Started a karate club for people who don't know karate we just do moves we see in movies lemme know if you're interested old ppl are welcome

@Adar79Angie: Joined a gym once. 12 bystanders were injured. So much blood. 2 people renounced their faith. At night I still hear the treadmill screaming.

@BlairLoudly: *dresses like a kitty* *climbs tree* *waits for new fireman husband to come rescue me*

@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: On average, how often do you miss work? ME: *sweating profusely* NO ONE SAID THERE'D BE MATH

@SortaBad: If I hear someone crying I immediately cry louder to establish myself as the dominant sad person in the room