*Snowstorm on it's way* America – we need to stock up on bread and milk! Canadians – better hit the beer store.

@rolldiggity: Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."

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@yerpalmildsauce: I may not be the coolest guy in town but I am the coolest guy in my apar-- *cockroach wearing tiny leather jacket scuttles by*

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@moron_online: [6 months after breaking up] Me: AND ANOTHER THING,

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@millercycle: Whenever I’m pissed off at my wife I turn all of the shampoo bottles right side up in the shower.

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@dafloydsta: [couples therapy] HER: He's always talking down to me ME: *heavy sigh* It's called being condescending but I doubt you knew that, Karen

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