@WoodyLuvsCoffee: So afraid of commitment I only play "Words With Acquaintances".
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@TheToddWilliams: NAZI: Some of us Nazis got hurt too ME: Thoughts and bears NAZI: Don't you mean "thoughts and pra-- ME *releasing grizzly bear*: Nope
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: Sometimes I think I have more imaginary conversations than real ones. Scarlett Johansson: That's very interesting.
@TheMichaelRock: Wife: what are you doing? Son: I’m in timeout Wife: did you make fun of Taylor Swift again? Me[from the other room] YES HE DID