@andylassner: So Amish people just yell their tweets from the top of their barns?
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@KittenWritten: Guard dog? Service dog? Yeah, yeah... When earth is invaded by evil aliens that look like pony tail holders, our cat will be a hero.
@ThisOneSayz: Parenting doesn't prepare you for the awkward glances you get when a naked Ken doll falls out of your briefcase.
@JWilsonGA: Wife: I'm making breakfast for dinner tonight. What do you want? Me: Bacon. Wife: And? Me: *blank stare* Wife: AND? Me: A napkin?
@UncleDuke1969: Inspirational Tweet: Found the sock gone missing 7 weeks ago in today's clean laundry. Sometimes they come back, people. Keep the faith.