@hero_ofthenight: So apparently airport security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
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@michaelianblack: Ugh: I hid three dozen raw eggs in the house last night after taking Ambien and now I can't find them.
@AnOrangeSNES: "Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair!" *A long strand of smelly hair falls out the tower* "Screw this!"
@prodigalsam: "I wish I had more time to read" he said as Netflix automatically played the next episode.
@JermHimselfish: Dance like nobody's watching. Paint like your girlfriend doesn't text you too much. Sing like you didn't struggle with algebra in 9th grade.