@jsteele3966: So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
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@Robert_Beau: I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
@CulturedRuffian: Like grandpa always said, 'If you kids don't stop retweeting yourself, you'll go blind.'
@EndhooS: [Opens hand sanitiser] ＳＵｂｍｉＴ ＹｏＵｒ ＳＯｕＬ ｔＯ ＥｔｅｒｎＡＬ ＨｅＬＬ ｆｉＲｅ [closes lid] wtf? [looks at label] LINDA YOU BOUGHT HAND SATANISER AGAIN