@Kauaibride: so apparently there is no such thing as a valentine santa and i'm not sure whose lap i just sat on at the mall.
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@SteveSuckington: [wife gets home & sees shit on the rug] What's this? "It was Rover he w.." *dog makes throat slice gesture* "It was me. I shit on the rug"
@Coolisiana: GUY WHO INVENTED CELEBRATING BIRTHDAYS: *is born* Ok wow like what an accomplishment MOTHER: For me? GUY: N- HELL no. For me. Please shut up
@jonnysun: hey maybe ur parents care so much about ur birthday becuase it celebrates how long theyve been able to keep something alive for