@Crunk_Jews: So apparently when a woman asks what you're looking for in a relationship, "a way out" isn't the right answer.
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@RobDenBleyker: I'll never forget what my grandfather told me before he died. He said "Never forget what I'm about to tell you" then some story about corn.
@ChrisScarlette: [pizza delivery] Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip* uh HELL YEAH! *pulls out phone* see that RT button?
@rolldiggity: Give a man a cat and he eats for a day. Give him too many cats, and people will be like, "Are you giving cats to that guy who eats cats?!?"
@AndPlayDad: I don't know what the big deal is. Putting my toddler to bed is easy... In fact, just tonight, I did it 25 times.